Think about it from a guy’s perspective.
You meet a girl. She’s attractive, fun, a beautiful soul. But for some reason, you can’t see yourself being with her forever. She just doesn’t occupy your head and your heart enough for you to want to forsake all others.
Maybe you’ve always fancied free-spirited women and she’s a bit too sensible for you. Maybe you secretly yearn for drama and you just find nights out with her a bit vanilla.
You find her attractive, you still want to hang out with her, go drinking with her, definitely spend the night with her, but you know you’re never going to run to Tiffany’s to buy a ring for her.
You’ve seen the future and she’s not there. She’s just here now and that’s all you want from her.
So what do you do?
You could tell her the whole truth
You could call her up and say, “hey, so here’s the thing. I don’t see a future with you and never will. But I’d still like to hook up with you, no strings, right? Are you game?”
And then it would be out there, in the ether. The whole truth. You can carry on your existence with a clear conscience because you told her exactly what you’re thinking and surely that’s a good thing, right? Well, no, of course not.
Firstly, you know after that little speech you’ll never see her for dust. And secondly, even if she did just want no strings carnality, you telling her upfront that you don’t think she’s girlfriend material will definitely kill the vibe.
So what do you do?
You don’t lie, you just don’t tell the whole truth.
You don’t promise her marriage and kids and a house in suburbia. You don’t project your relationship onto the future. You don’t talk about all the birthdays and Valentines you’ll be celebrating together in the years to come because you know it’s not on the cards. You just keep your mouth shut. You obfuscate, avoid and distract from any talk about the where this is going.
It’s called plausible deniability. Since you didn’t outright lie, you can convince yourself that you’ve done nothing wrong. If she makes assumptions about where this is headed and you just don’t contradict her, then you can convince yourself it’s her fault if she starts seeing a future that’s not there.
So what’s a girl to do?
Here’s the two-step process every woman can use to not fall into this trap.
One. Listen to the things he doesn’t say, as well as the things he does. If it’s been a few months and he still hasn’t asked you to meet a single one of his friends, let alone his family, don’t just make excuses for him. Ask yourself why this is. And be honest.
And two. If he’s being evasive and you suspect it’s because he thinks your relationship has an expiration date, then ask him. Ask him if he sees a future together and see what he says. Go nuclear.
Relationship advice books teach women to never be so upfront. To never ask. Well screw that. If he runs a mile then he was a runner anyway. You just fired the starting pistol that was always cocked and loaded.
If he’s really into you. He won’t want to lose you. He’ll fight for you, reassure you, worry that you’re going to leave him.
So never be afraid of asking for the whole truth. Sure when you find it, it might be scary. The truth hurts and all that. But ladies, the whole truth will set you free.